and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Your penis caused this!
Randomize
