Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
