Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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