With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
