did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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