I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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