My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
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