For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
