Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Randomize
