I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
