big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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