He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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