Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
