I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
