We're facebook friends in real life
Will you blow on my dice?
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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