at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
you're hired as official boob wrangler
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
