Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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