so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I think i got beer on your cat.
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