If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
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