Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
i just had sex bonerless
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Randomize
