Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
