Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
