so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
