Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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