you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
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