Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
You're like the curious george of whores
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
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