that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Couch. On fire.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
