Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize
