I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
