My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
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