Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
