Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
