then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
you made out with another girl for some wings
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
