Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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