just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
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