My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
