Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
