i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
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