So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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