funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
