Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
now i know why i became what i already was.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Randomize
