I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Randomize
