Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
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