Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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