is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
