i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
