I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Of course I have a pirate flag
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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