I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
