Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Randomize
