Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
