Pants 0. Shit 1.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
